Sunday, August 14, 2011

Thoughts on Family, Music and Memory

I was lucky enough to have been raised a child of the '80s, though at times it feels more like the 60's and 70's. You see, when our family (my father and his five children) immigrated to the United States in November of 1980, direct from the Vietnamese refugee camps in Malaysia, we had essentially nothing but a few bags of clothes and the flip-flops on our feet. The vast majority of what we owned in our first home, a rented one bedroom apartment in Philadelphia, was either donated to us by the local Catholic church or left on the curb. More often than not, these items were beat-up old relics from the 60's and 70's, which probably explains my love for the music, fashion, toys and furnishings of the time.

I can't imagine how scary it must have been for my father - to be alone in a strange new country and not know the language or have the means to support his children, who were all under the age of eleven. Eventually however he was able to find work at the local Catholic retreat estate - first in the laundry house and then in the fifty-acre gardens. I have fond memories of being with him in that steamy laundry house while my brother and sisters were off at school. I was close to being four years old and to this day, I can still imagine those enormous industrial-sized metal washers and dryers, the constant loud pulsating rhythms they produced and the endless heaps of white linen that went into them. I remember that following a morning of washing and drying, my dad and I would sit down to a packed lunch of rice and leftovers. And after our bellies were full, I would nap on a clean towel laid directly on the concrete floor while he finished the afternoon folding.

It's strange how some memories stay with you - I think this as we come upon the 10 year anniversary of my dad's death (today, in fact). Years later I would come to realize that our stint in the laundry house was an experience he and I shared exclusively - something precious and rare when you have four other siblings. My son is now the same age I was back then and sometimes I wonder what memories the older Jonathan will have of me at this age decades from now. Hopefully they won't be of me leaving for work everyday, but rather of us in the garden while the sound of Marc practicing on the piano echoes in the distance.

As I go about my work in the garden, more often than not the music of the Carpenters, Joni Mitchell, Bread, Ann Murray and most notably John Denver reverberate inside my head. The same records heard in the early years of my life. The same ones I associate with my Dad's garden. I hope these songs will make their way into Jonathan's head when he plants his own garden one day. Maybe he'll read this some time in the distant future and decide to pick up a CD or two (that is, if they still make CDs).

18 comments:

  1. nice post. i was a child of the 80's living in philadelphia as well.=)

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  2. Wow, Thomas. You must write this one day. I think you will. What a precise picture you paint of the laundry. You have me quite weepy in Brooklyn. I hope you tell us more stories.

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  3. I was with you, every step of the way, until ... John Denver.

    Sorry, but no.

    Great tale though!

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  4. A beautiful tribute to your father. He was a very brave man.

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  5. Well, thanks for the tears this morning, Thomas! Seriously, what a great tribute to your father. I know the anniversary of his death is a sad day, but he would be so proud of you and your family, gardens and the life you are making, and that his influence continues. Now that we are parents ourselves it is easier to understand what he was feeling when he moved his family - what a mind boggling fear he must have had being responsible for the whole family as well as excitement for a new life, it makes me smile to know that you remember all of it and carry it with you. Raising a glass to your father tonight!

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  6. I love all the same music, especially John Denver and Bread. I grew up in the 80's but always listened to the 70's music. I like your memory, it's hard losing a parent.

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  7. Your dad would be so proud. What a beautiful tribute.

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  8. What a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing such an intimate story with us.

    It's funny how music can impact ones life, isn't it?

    Now, go get yourself a guitar and learn some of those John Denver songs and Jonathan will have them etched in his memory forever. It will also give you some grins along the way!

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  9. I started reading your blog last summer and loved the fantastic photos of the vegetables and the interesting gardening information.
    I wondered about the person behind the blog and over time personal glimpses began to emerge. I'm so glad you have let your readers into your life! You give me so much hope with your caring and sensitive rearing of Jonathan, your loving relationship with Marc and your positive outlook on life.
    Thank you for sharing memories of your father that are both joyful and yet painful on this day.
    I know your father would be proud of you and so am I.

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  10. Ok, you've made me cry again.
    I agree with Weaverpat. xxx

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  11. What a beautiful memory of your father you have given us today. Thank-you for that. It is very hard to imagine how brave your family was to come to a new place and leave behind everything that was familiar. We, here are better because of it.
    nellie

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  12. Thanks so much Thomas for sharing your memories of your father with us. What an amazing man and a great father!

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  13. What a sweet memory you have of time with your dad...and you wrote about it beautifully. I felt like I was there, napping on a nice clean towel, too!

    Your dad was very brave...and made many sacrifices. And you know it and appreciate it...which probably made it all worth it for him. :)

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  14. Fantastic memories to be cherished - all of them. I remember doing my homework to my dad playing the piano. Now he can't remember a thing he played, but the music always resonates in my heart. Many blessings to you all.

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  15. Thomas,
    Thankyou for sharing a glimpse of your life, very touching!
    I too lost my father about 10years ago, they were from a different era. My Mum and him grew up in Australia when times were very different. They often told me about the Depression post the wars and how much it effected family life. My father was a workaholic too to provide for us..taught me lots.
    I love John Denver, and the song was so fitting to remember your Dad.
    Thanks again, I have been telling my family about your tribute and how touched I was bye it.
    Norma

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  16. I hope that you will share memories of your father with Jonathan as he grows older. I'm so happy that you're sharing your love of gardening with him. What great memories those will be for him as he grows. I make sure to let my little granddaughters harvest something when they come visit. Last time they harvested tomatoes, and the time before that potatoes. Little Megan is three and will eat peas and kale directly from the garden. She's the best gardener of the three little ones.

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  17. father did a great job and nust of passed down alot of knowledge to you

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