On Family - Honest Scrap Award

A couple weeks ago, Di from Voice in the Garden, Vrtlarica from Moj Vrt, and GrafixMuse from GrafixMuse's Garden Spot kindly hammered me with the Honest Scrap award. Thank you! If you haven't already done so, please check out their wonderful blogs!

So according to the rules of this award, I'm supposed to list ten personal truths about myself...hmmmm...But if it's ok with everyone, I'd rather share a bit of good news and say a few words about one particular social issue that has greatly affected me and my life during the past couple of years.

Marc and I have been married now for about two and a half years. Even early into our relationship, I knew that we would one day settle down and start a family together. About a year and a half ago, we started the process of adopting through the state of Massachusetts. We attended adoption seminars, completed the mandatory adoptive parenting course, took part in a home study and then waited. We figured that it would be six months to a year before we would be matched with a child. Somewhat unexpectedly, however, about two months after our home study was completed, our wish came true. It happened like this (as described in an email to close friends and family on March 28, 2009):

Hello Friends and Family,

It's about three in the morning right now and I can't seem to fall asleep (I feel like I won't be able to sleep for a long time). I think all of you know by now that Marc and I are now foster parents to a beautiful 18 month baby boy named Jonathan. I use the term "foster parents" because we can't legally refer to ourselves as his parents until the adoption is finalized, which can take as long as a year, maybe more. Anyway, I wanted to keep you all posted on our progress thus far.

On Wednesday, our social worker, Brook, called us to let us know that she had submitted our home study to a state social worker handling a very special case. By "special", I mean more like "emergency". Jonathan had been removed from an incredibly bad situation and placed into emergency foster care earlier this week. Brook had called us because unlike most child placements, the facts of this case would require that the Department of Children and Families (DCF, formerly the Department of Social Services) place Jonathan with a family within days (not weeks or months) and she needed to make sure we were on board for the ride. We told her that we were.

On Thursday morning, Brook called us to let us know that DCF had narrowed down the pool of perspective parents and that there was a good chance that we would be the one chosen. YIKES! She couldn't give us a definite answer but nevertheless we were both on cloud nine and scared sh*tless. (I have to admit that I'm still operating in a state of shock). However, Brook had sent out our home study several times before with no luck so we weren't exactly hopeful.

Friday morning, Brook called us to let us know that DCF had in fact made its decision, that they wanted to meet with us this afternoon, and that Jonathan would be packed up and ready for us to take him home. Needless to say, we were in scrambling mode. Marc left work to get a pack-and-play from his sister along with random blankets and toys. I ran to CVS to get some munchies for the 2-hour ride home.

We drove to western Massachusetts and met with Brook and the DCF folks. As we learned more about the facts of Jonathan's case, I became angrier and angrier at how innocent children are oftentimes treated in this world. Towards the end of the disclosure meeting, they asked us if we wanted to meet Jonathan. Five minutes later, there was a knock at the door and Jonathan walked into the room holding the hand of his baby-sitter. We had been told that he had a cold and was suffering from an ear infection. My first sight of Jonathan - he had flush red cheeks, wavy-brown hair slick from sweat, glassy eyes, and he was wearing a filthy polo shirt that exposed his belly (because he had outgrown it months before). He looked soooo exhausted and fragile, I can't begin to explain how I felt at that moment. The second he caught sight of everyone in the room, he began to cry. I broke down too, uncontrollably. Up until then, I had no idea what my reaction would be. I had no idea that I would connect with him so instantly.

Surprisingly, Jonathan stopped crying before I did. He was a little wary of us at first but then started accepting the legos I offered him. We played for about a half hour and then it was time to leave. The baby-sitter gave him a hug good-bye, then placed him in my arms. He started to cry but miraculously stopped after about 10 seconds. He went into the car-seat effortlessly (well, it took me a couple minutes to figure it out) and during the car ride home, he started to open up more. I offered him various toys and we both ate out of the same cheerios box (at one point, he started feeding me little 0s). We also had a couple of "firsts" during the ride home as well...he smiled and then laughed with us for the first time. I got him to drink from a sippy cup for the first time (the agency had been feeding him with a bottle). He threw food at me for the first time.

By the time we got home, he was definitely itching to get out of the car seat. As we walked him into our apartment building, he started to cry again. I guess the unfamiliar setting unnerved him. I picked him up and again, he stopped crying. When we got into the apartment, he was wary at first but then started to explore. I held him up to the window to look at the ocean (again, a first in his life) and we stared at the seagulls for a while. Brook showed up...she was kind enough to pick us up a pair of pajamas and a few other things from Target on the way back.

Fast forward a couple hours later, we were making a list of what we needed to get for Jonathan and from the grocery store immediately. The next thing we know, our friends Rachel and Brando showed up with bags and bags of baby stuff. They had gone to Costco and Babies-R-Us and had seemingly cleaned out the stores...I'm talking booster chair, first aid kit, bath kit, plates/cups/silverware, 20 different outfits, a mountain of toys, enough creams and cold medicine to fill a pharmacy, diapers, and a HUGE box of baby-wipes. We were completely overwhelmed and grateful. As it turned out, my only errand was to the grocery store tonight.

The duffel bag that DCF had given to us contained an old bottle with almost all of the paint chipped off, a baby blanket, a few items of worn out clothing- all of which no longer fit him, and the filthiest baby jacket I have ever seen. Needless to say, we will be getting rid of everything but his baby blanket, which we hope to give him one day when he is older).

To end a loooong story short, Jonathan has slept pretty quietly tonight....I hope I can find it in me to get a couple hours of sleep too.

To end this story on a happy note, last week, in one of many courtrooms in the state of Massachusetts, we sat and listened as Jonathan's biological parent agreed to relinquish all parental rights. Soon, his birth certificate will be changed legally to list Marc and I as his parents, and he will forever be our son. These past seven months have been by far the most challenging yet at the same time, most rewarding period of my life. Everyday, I learn something new about my son, and ultimately, about myself. And like Jonathan, Marc and I are also starting a new chapter in our lives.

Going trick or treating with Jonathan the giraffe.

Everyday, there are on average 600 children waiting to be adopted in the state of Massachusetts. To learn more, visit the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange.